ANother death..

:( i didn't know her, but she was a good friend of my friend.

I have developed a fear of it..I miss Sam, Sophie (my babies, S squared). I love you with all my heart, I'd give anything...I remember the last time I saw Sophie..I remember it. She was in her car. Dear Lord, how she loved that car, driving, life, sisters..how she had so much life in everything she did. SO full of love. I can't deal. Lord, help me..I need your help. Why..I can't believe she's gone, it hasn't hit me yet. I need to visit her grave this weekend for some closure..I need to. I am so appreciative of that day she took me Brooklyn and Laura to Walgreens..got me cookies, cheetos and shared her drink. I really appreciate it..never forget that day, it was April something I know that. She talked to my mom on the phone..we travelled for hours looking for Nor Cal. I told laura that I'd give her a ride, so we did. When we dropped her off, I told her to tell her sister thank you. Never forget that day..or seeing her around school, or driving in SJ. It's hard to believe/cope. I can't stop saying that. As for Sam..it gets harder (actually for both). I want them both back..I'd give anything, my soul, blood, life.............................they should be HERE. I don't like seeing my friends upset or losing anyone..I want them HERE HAPPY where they should fucking be..where are they? Sophie never sends me signs, but Sam does. He stops music for me..at certain verses, the songs I dedicate to him..in my dreams..gives me chills. I wish for Sophie to give me a sign. I want to know she's okay..come home princess.

ALso my best friend texted me yesterday, we're back together again. I knew this unstoppable force and not talking to her for a while wasn't worth it..I am so glad I have her back. I need to talk to my Mom about chilling with her though..This is going to be hard....