What if..

everyhing was right, perfect. Sometimes I wonder why I can't reach perfection..why I can't attain the life I wish I had. I know I will never be completely happy, but there are friends (and family) who can help you reach your happiness and the ones who make you feel on top of the world can make you feel like you're in death valley. Everyone's going to hurt you, you just have to decide who's worth the pain. I really don't like categorizing people or judging yet at the same time, I have to. Someone who once made me very happy had to vanish..disappear. This person will never comprehend anything no matter how many times I have yelled my heart out at them. I spilled my guts and it sounds as disgusting as it feels. I poured every ounce of everything just to be left with nothing. There's an empty spot..they are dead to me. I hate to say such a bad thing, but when I think of them..I think of a haunting spirit. It's not a void, it's gone. That's it. I deserve to have a happiness that can't be touched or bothered, out of everything..I deserve it. Typical, just typical. I'm free but sometimes I feel like I have cement shoes on. You know what they say, "If the shoe fits, wear it." I can't say I am destroyed because of one person, but I can say I have learned a lot. When you are treated like trash in a garbage disposal (and most likely always have been in odd relationships) and someone else treats you with respect, you can see that what you once thought was perfect was not even close. My standards have changed. I'm probably the mose uncaring, uncanny person out there..I care about what's important (school, friends, family) other than that, nothing matters to me. I just want to be happy, make everyone smile..never making them feel so low. I truly wish for that more than anything. Let me be unhappy, I'd rather have everyone have what they want. Life is bizarre and I am used to it. I can't change anything that has happened, I could only forget about everything. Whoever doesn't acknowledge anything is perhaps a low life who I can't have respect for. I have everything and everyone I need..maybe not everything, but close enough. Life is good, Life is bad, Life is whatever. I need three wishes. I think about it all the time, the three wishes..I wish they would come true..I keep my faith and I'll see where it takes me. I just never want to feel that way again.