Sam...I miss you so much

Everydamntime I drive by the OG area, the 87 where the capital cemetery is..I think of Sam. I can't stop thinking of him..the video of him dancing with his cousin (which really inspires me to dance), his sister, my dream, Eddie, T, it all comes to me with an overwhelming rush and crash of a wave..emotion, disaster..love, heartbreak, sadness because i miss his happiness..sadness because he should be living. He had something to live for. Sam, wherever you are I miss you..you changed my life..just as I wrote that a specific song came on...odd. (Mr. Piano Man - Brandy) "He was gone for hours, people crying showers.." I always wish I could have saved you. I would risk my all just for you to be back. I feel horrible for Eddie. Today I was on the freeway in that spot on the 87..the cemetery area, grafitti...I see a hearse.................I just turned to my Mom and shrieked, I don't know why. I ducked my head (thank God I have big hair to hide behind and the bigger the hair the closer you are to heaven aka Sam, Sophie, etc.) and I closed my eyes so tightly not to cry, but my eyes became red exposing all the visivble veins..I pictured Sophies last ride in there..Sams..I couldn't take it and I can't take that you two are gone. I lost you to nothing..it should have never happened.

You visit me in my sleep,

in the unquestionable dark deep.

Quests to save  you will never come true,

Drowning in the dark abyss blue.

Silently screaming out for you to return,

Heal me,

Harshest burn.

In the dreams,

You rip my seams.

Feeling alive more than ever,

Seeing you gone,

should have been never.

Within my body,

blood rushes through my veins,

terribly sorry.

Strong disdain,

Useless hope,

Days of death,

Searching through my microscope

Never able to find,

Never better in time.

Way too far to see,

Knowing that your presence is stil with me

is hard to believe.

Visit me in my sleep,

I want you to cut me,

deeper than deep.

Talk to me for hours,

Stop with me to smell the flowers.

Smile,

with grace,

Find me please,

Visit me with consistent pace.

Don't stop,

Climbing until we reach the top.

Needing to feel you with me,

Savior of mine,

Don't pass time.

Stop the clock,

Hold me close,

Mismatched socks,

thats you.

Simple with dimples,

that's me.

Together we will be.

Reuntied in my sleep,

Dream me dreams,

Rip my seams

Deeper than deep.

Hold my hand,

Take a leap.

Swear words blurred out with a beep,

Visit me,

take a peek.

It is my soul you take at night,

feels so right.

Next time you leave for good,

hug me, sqeeze me so tight.

Never leave my side,

with those words abide.

Begging you,

on my knees,

the jingle of my keys,

Let's leave together. 

You've made your mark,

in my mind, my dreams,

the deepest dark.

Dream me dreams,

Sing me songs,

Say nothings wrong.

Wanting to leave,

hard to believe

You're still with me,

Together we'll be,

Proving them wrong,

Forever they'll see.

Tonight,

Closing my eyes,

wishing for your visit,

Escape the heavens with goodbyes,

Show me your back with a sunrise,

blow the wind in my hair,

I love you,

show me that you're there.